A genie and an idiot
Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern
containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes
he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The
third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’
The Devil’s in the details
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to
three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the
first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks. The guy says,
‘No, let me see the next room.’ In the second room, people are standing
in dirt up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally Satan opens the
third room. People are standing with dirt up to their knees, drinking
coffee and eating pastries. The guy says, ‘I pick this room.’ Satan says
Ok and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some
coffee. On the way out Satan yells, ‘OK, coffee break’s over. Everyone
back on your heads!’
Kid vs barber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it
you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the
other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The
boy takes the quarters and leaves. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the
barber. ‘That kid never learns!’ Later, when the customer leaves, he
sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. ‘Hey, son!
May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the
dollar bill?’ The boy licked his cone and replied, ‘Because the day I
take the dollar, the game is over!’
Racing a bear
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear
suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The
bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy
drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins
to put them on. The second guy says, ‘What are you doing? Sneakers won’t
help you outrun that bear.’ ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear,’ the
first guy says. ‘I just need to outrun you.’
All in a night’s work
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky
night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you
want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy
replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays
£300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint…my….house.’
0 comments:
Post a Comment